Wonder of Adoption

  “And every prayer we prayed in desperation. The songs of faith we sang through doubt and fear…” “I chose you for this.” God whispered to my heart while I was driving, crying and singing along to Hymn of Heaven by Phil Wickham. I’m not someone who hears God speak to me fairly often.  Most of the time He speaks through scripture and guides me that way.  So, I was surprised on this particular day to hear Him speak so clearly.  What is the “this” He chose me for? Those lyrics always remind me of Tony and my sufferings: infertility, miscarriages, scary diagnoses….God was telling me He chose me for those particular sufferings. I cried all the more as waves of gratitude poured over me.  It was His sweet way of reminding me that He is in control of it all and that all our pain has a purpose that is grander than what I currently see or may ever see.  God was confirming what I was already clinging to: that He is working in our sufferings. I think my ...

If you feel this blog is all over the place: infertility, loss, chemo, adoption, then you'd be right! But this has been our story over the past few years and this is the only way I know how to tell it.  On November 20, 2020, I listened to the amazing story of Justi Hudson and the ups and downs she and her husband went through adopting their children on the WBGL podcast "The Unfolding". (amazing podcast, check it out! Justi's  episode is Page 70 ) At that point, we had been trying to start a family for about a year, and as I listened to her praising God about how her adoption worked out, I began to feel an awe, wonder, and passion for adoption.  I prayed, "God, if you want us to adopt, you're gonna have to convince Tony.  And if this truly is in your plan for us, have Tony bring up adoption tonight." "Hey, ya know I was thinking today about how beautiful adoption is and how it is a reflection of how God adopted us as His children," Tony said as...

 If you are thinking,  I had no idea a miscarriage could lead to benign cancer!", then you are not alone. I didn't either. "You had a rare type of miscarriage called a complete molar pregnancy. This happens in 0.3% of pregnancies. This happens when the baby receives both sets of chromosomes from one parent and none from the other...most resolve on their own after surgery but 1 in 5 require further care in which I would refer you to a specialist."- paraphrasing my reproductive endocrinologist as he shared with my the results of my biopsy after my D&C surgery (surgery to remove the dead baby and tissues). My doctor was kind in his word choices as he was hoping I'd fall in the majority.  But a quick google research revealed the "specialist" he was referring to..... A Gynecologic Oncologist.... "Oncologist?!?", I thought....what in the world.   8 blood tests and 8 weeks later I met my Oncologist....it took another month to confirm but she ende...

“And above all, hold onto the truth that you have a Savior who loves you so incredibly much….and THAT is always more than enough!” -Me: from my last blog March 2, 2015….then, SILENCE…. What happened for this blogger to go quiet for 7 years? For the first few years after, life got busy.   We bought a house, started a business, Tony switched jobs among a lot of other changes that required attention. Then three years ago, the silence hid the inner sorrows that for a while, only two people knew existed: Tony and me, battling the emotional and physical turmoil that is infertility.   The first stages of, “Oh, this is probably normal.   Most couples take a few months to get pregnant.” Then the fear of, “It’s been 6 months, I’ve tracked every day for the past few months, we’ve done everything right…something must be wrong.” To the confirmation of the specialists, “You have a 3-5% chance of getting pregnant naturally.” Followed by my period being two days late then s...